Nearly 10 years ago, I was laying on someone else's couch listening to Fiona Apple's "Shadowboxer" as part of a playlist, alone, all night, in the dark. Shaken, I thought, to my core (though that was to come much later...months later). Even though the song's lyrics don't exactly correspond to my situation, I claimed it as the musical firebrand of my that particular month-long excursion into the worst of me. Stripped of my philosophical protections as well as my self-respect. That was a dark and hollow time.
It has taken years to reconcile myself to that month. What it meant about me, what I learned about those involved. Though it stripped me of my self-delusions, it also revealed strengths in me that I didn't recognize initially, especially with all of the reproach I ladled high upon myself. It was one of the first experiences I had with facing down my Shadow.
The Shadow can be different for everybody, but it it, essentially, the parts of you that you repress, deny, or fear. It's the voice in your head that insinuates doubts about religion, the you that wants to throw something across the room when you're outwardly calm, the you that you imagine in the fantasies you refuse to admit, the source of the fears that cripple you. And a lot of people will live their lives without ever really facing this part of themselves. They find it easier (as it probably is) to simply lock those parts of themselves into the mental oubliette and walk away.
When working with magic, though, you must at some point face your shadow and, if not integrate it, at least make peace with it.
A little more recently - this winter - I started looking at all of the things that could be construed as detriments or roadblocks to my happiness. Events that happened to me throughout childhood, in high school, in college, etc. What if - I thought - What if I haven't actually taken some of these events as easily as I assumed? What if X and Y really have caused some internal damage and I'm emotionally bleeding out? What then? How can I possibly fix that?
Instead of bleeding out (thankfully), I ended up making peace with those events - most of which were either my own doing (rebellion, naivete, etc.) or were out of my control in the first place.
But I learned something else that shocked the hell out of me. I'm a control freak.
Not in the perfectionist or OCD way (just ask my mom or my husband). I'm a control freak about how I am perceived by others. The most prominent phrase in my head being "I don't want people to think that I'm..." Fill in the blank. And I go to great lengths to maintain what I think is the appropriate appearance (of nonchalance, ironically), and I scrutinize every interaction to find and deconstruct every mistake I make.
Except I don't have any control over what people think of me. It's their perception - based on their own experiences and biases, and it's impossible for me to make them think anything in particular about me.
But I still try. Very hard. That's the next thing that I have to work through. And that fits all back in with the beginning. Because the person I was nearly 10 years ago believed very strongly in the ability, the necessity, of creating herself according to her choices. And I had done that to a certain degree - only it had ended very badly. And I still try to control, to manipulate myself and others (though not on a malicious level) into perceiving me a certain way. To garner acceptance.
However! I learned all those many years ago that I'm not willing to sacrifice myself entirely for acceptance, and I can and will save myself if I decide to. It took an emotional trauma to prove to myself that I value my integrity enough to leave.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Logic + Emotion = Intuition
I fight myself.
I'm not talking about a Fight Club situation where I'm physically beating myself to a pulp. I'm talking about rip tides, and (as a reference) astrology.
I'm one of those people on the cusp. My birthday is the day that marks the beginning of Pisces, so it's like being mildly Pisces and mildly Aquarius. And they are rather different states. Aquarius is heavily air (knowledge, logic, kinda Vulcan), and Pisces is all water (emotion, etc.). So I'm in that space on the beach that is not completely dry, but neither is it completely underwater.
I don't follow astrology as a way to direct my life, but as a way to understand what's so damned confusing about myself, it helps.
This is what I know. Ecstatic spiritual experiences are pretty much impossible for me. I learned that in my church days. Any emotional response to praise and worship was usually kind of forced (because I thought I was wrong for being dry-eyed while the guy across the aisle was weeping with his hands in the air, beaming and speaking in tongues). I can't release my logical side, my thought-driven air-ness (NOT airheadedness, mind you!) enough to fully allow myself to enter the rush of emotion necessary for ecstatic spiritual experiences. Which is why a spirituality that doesn't require emotion as a guide is a perfect fit for me. Once I realized that I didn't "feel" what I was "supposed" to feel (guilt, etc.,) I was able to understand why I felt out of place. I've since embraced my "air-ness" and incorporated that into my craft. I like learning, experimentation, wisdom.
On the other hand.
Emotion has its role. It's something of a murky current with me. It doesn't follow rules, it strikes at the oddest times, and it rarely reaches equilibrium. It doesn't stand up under scrutiny, though it certainly asserts itself nonetheless. It sets me off-balance. I do get carried away, especially when I'm angry or indignant. If I feel like I'm being manipulated. Or when overcome by sadness. At those times, no logic on earth can dredge me out of those emotions. I have to wait for the tide to turn. My happiness is much more vulnerable.
So, my logical side is constantly trying to moderate my emotions, and my emotions are always trying to get Spock to smile. Or get pissed. Or cry. This isn't particularly odd for anyone.
There's a point where this struggle works pretty well - intuition. For me, intuition is the communication between emotion and logic. Logic focuses the emotions, and emotion prevents logic from sticking to the script, the whole script, and nothing but the script. Intuition coaxes and hones the best of both.
For instance: I'd say 9/10 of my craft is experimentation, and that last 1/10 is research and following orders. I suck at following orders because the action doesn't feel authentic if I'm reading it out of a book, even my own grimoire. On the other hand, I do write down what I want to do and what the words should basically be about. Freedom within a flexible structure. Even correspondences are flexible depending on experience. For instance, I know from experience that mugwort tea doesn't make my dreams any more vivid or increase my lucid dreaming ability. I know that I have to be very careful with amethyst because too much contact with it causes my emotions to sink.
I'm not saying that I'm any more intuitive or emotional or logical than anyone else. All three are skills that people can improve in themselves. Some people are naturally more emotional or more logical. But (at least in my experience) it takes both to really strengthen intuition.
I'm not talking about a Fight Club situation where I'm physically beating myself to a pulp. I'm talking about rip tides, and (as a reference) astrology.
I'm one of those people on the cusp. My birthday is the day that marks the beginning of Pisces, so it's like being mildly Pisces and mildly Aquarius. And they are rather different states. Aquarius is heavily air (knowledge, logic, kinda Vulcan), and Pisces is all water (emotion, etc.). So I'm in that space on the beach that is not completely dry, but neither is it completely underwater.
I don't follow astrology as a way to direct my life, but as a way to understand what's so damned confusing about myself, it helps.
This is what I know. Ecstatic spiritual experiences are pretty much impossible for me. I learned that in my church days. Any emotional response to praise and worship was usually kind of forced (because I thought I was wrong for being dry-eyed while the guy across the aisle was weeping with his hands in the air, beaming and speaking in tongues). I can't release my logical side, my thought-driven air-ness (NOT airheadedness, mind you!) enough to fully allow myself to enter the rush of emotion necessary for ecstatic spiritual experiences. Which is why a spirituality that doesn't require emotion as a guide is a perfect fit for me. Once I realized that I didn't "feel" what I was "supposed" to feel (guilt, etc.,) I was able to understand why I felt out of place. I've since embraced my "air-ness" and incorporated that into my craft. I like learning, experimentation, wisdom.
On the other hand.
Emotion has its role. It's something of a murky current with me. It doesn't follow rules, it strikes at the oddest times, and it rarely reaches equilibrium. It doesn't stand up under scrutiny, though it certainly asserts itself nonetheless. It sets me off-balance. I do get carried away, especially when I'm angry or indignant. If I feel like I'm being manipulated. Or when overcome by sadness. At those times, no logic on earth can dredge me out of those emotions. I have to wait for the tide to turn. My happiness is much more vulnerable.
So, my logical side is constantly trying to moderate my emotions, and my emotions are always trying to get Spock to smile. Or get pissed. Or cry. This isn't particularly odd for anyone.
There's a point where this struggle works pretty well - intuition. For me, intuition is the communication between emotion and logic. Logic focuses the emotions, and emotion prevents logic from sticking to the script, the whole script, and nothing but the script. Intuition coaxes and hones the best of both.
For instance: I'd say 9/10 of my craft is experimentation, and that last 1/10 is research and following orders. I suck at following orders because the action doesn't feel authentic if I'm reading it out of a book, even my own grimoire. On the other hand, I do write down what I want to do and what the words should basically be about. Freedom within a flexible structure. Even correspondences are flexible depending on experience. For instance, I know from experience that mugwort tea doesn't make my dreams any more vivid or increase my lucid dreaming ability. I know that I have to be very careful with amethyst because too much contact with it causes my emotions to sink.
I'm not saying that I'm any more intuitive or emotional or logical than anyone else. All three are skills that people can improve in themselves. Some people are naturally more emotional or more logical. But (at least in my experience) it takes both to really strengthen intuition.
Comfort Food
Last night I got into a nostalgic kick, and decided to make my grandmother's recipe for chicken and noodles. She used to make it for me for my birthday. It's not fancy, just good warm comfort food.
I had to do this from memory. She showed me how to make it when I was in college. Ask my mom - I may not look like I'm paying attention, but I remember!
Besides - I think she was helping me.
I'm not a "cook the whole chicken" kind of person - all that deboning. So I used boneless skinless thighs instead of the whole chicken and it turned out great. I even rolled out homemade noodles! They were thicker than my grandmothers used to be, but for a first timer, they were fine.
I made a bowl for my grandmother, lit my ancestor candle, and put the candle and bowl on the dining room table. We sat together for a little while. I know that she was happy that I made that special recipe, that I shared it with her.
Nothing spectacular, really. It was the first time I have made this recipe. I was afraid of getting it wrong. Somehow, not doing it right scared me, like it would be an affront to this wonderful woman. And my grandmother has been gone for a few years. This recipe is one of the closest memories I have of her (the others involve cards, Chinese checkers, dominoes). And I did cry a little when I made it. Didn't help that Within Temptation's "Memories" was playing at that moment, either. It was like my deciding to make it - and getting it right, for the most part - was accepting that she will never make it again for me. I had to take up that little torch.
So the hard part is done - my first attempt at this official "Gramma" recipe. She also made this awesome chocolate cake, and chicken spaghetti, and artichoke toasts. And her house was always immaculate. And she always looked like a lady. And she taught me to say "yes, ma'am" instead of "yeah."
And I miss her terribly.
I had to do this from memory. She showed me how to make it when I was in college. Ask my mom - I may not look like I'm paying attention, but I remember!
Besides - I think she was helping me.
I'm not a "cook the whole chicken" kind of person - all that deboning. So I used boneless skinless thighs instead of the whole chicken and it turned out great. I even rolled out homemade noodles! They were thicker than my grandmothers used to be, but for a first timer, they were fine.
I made a bowl for my grandmother, lit my ancestor candle, and put the candle and bowl on the dining room table. We sat together for a little while. I know that she was happy that I made that special recipe, that I shared it with her.
Nothing spectacular, really. It was the first time I have made this recipe. I was afraid of getting it wrong. Somehow, not doing it right scared me, like it would be an affront to this wonderful woman. And my grandmother has been gone for a few years. This recipe is one of the closest memories I have of her (the others involve cards, Chinese checkers, dominoes). And I did cry a little when I made it. Didn't help that Within Temptation's "Memories" was playing at that moment, either. It was like my deciding to make it - and getting it right, for the most part - was accepting that she will never make it again for me. I had to take up that little torch.
So the hard part is done - my first attempt at this official "Gramma" recipe. She also made this awesome chocolate cake, and chicken spaghetti, and artichoke toasts. And her house was always immaculate. And she always looked like a lady. And she taught me to say "yes, ma'am" instead of "yeah."
And I miss her terribly.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Milk & Honey Drink for Sleep
Here's a really simple before-bed drink to help ease you into sleep.
1 mug milk
2 Tbsp honey
1 tsp lavender flowers (food grade)
**I highly suggest using the stove rather than the microwave!**
In a small pot on medium high heat, add the milk. Stir until warm. Add honey. Stir until mixture reaches temperature you're comfy with. Put lavender flowers in a tea ball, drop in mug. Add milk & honey mixture. Stir and let set for a little, to let the lavender mingle. Enjoy.
1 mug milk
2 Tbsp honey
1 tsp lavender flowers (food grade)
**I highly suggest using the stove rather than the microwave!**
In a small pot on medium high heat, add the milk. Stir until warm. Add honey. Stir until mixture reaches temperature you're comfy with. Put lavender flowers in a tea ball, drop in mug. Add milk & honey mixture. Stir and let set for a little, to let the lavender mingle. Enjoy.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Little Difference
A friend recently told me about a store here in El Paso that sells spiritual/mystical stuff. FINALLY! So I stopped by today and checked the place out.
First off, the Wicca thing isn't as prevalent here in El Paso as it was in Killeen. And even there it was rather covert ops. The spirituality isn't as overt here unless you want it to be. I've seen the tall glass 7-day candles in stores since I moved to Texas. They reminded me of the same kind of candle magic that witches practice; the point is to light a candle dedicated to a particular saint and ask for help in the area that the saint specializes in. Like St. Jude - Saint of the Impossible. St. Lazarus for healing. There's a strong sense of sacredness that permeates the spirituality associated with Catholicism - especially since many Catholic saints were originally pagan deities (like St. Brigid).
There are also other candles that are much more like spells. Roses and Honey for love, Road Opener, Block Breaker (can't wait to get that one!). Revenge, break-up, bring a lover back, keep a spouse faithful. Regular, everyday things. Even one for winning at Bingo.
Candle magic, powders, herbs, incense, oils. Brujeria, but not quite. But neither is it quite purely Catholic.
Another threshold, border, space for co-mingling. Not quite one, not quite the other, a mix of both that works for those who practice it.
So I came to El Paso with a certain idea of my spirituality. A kind of separateness from the spirituality here. Because I'm Pagan and "they" are mostly Catholic. But there isn't that much of a difference. I work with deities, light candles, use incense, herbs, amulets, etc. While it's a little out there in my former home of Evangelical-land, it's more common and understood here. So while I still feel like an outsider (because I still can't understand Spanish), I don't feel as "outside" as I did.
The question remains: when will I get a couple of those 7-day candles? Block Breaker first. :)
First off, the Wicca thing isn't as prevalent here in El Paso as it was in Killeen. And even there it was rather covert ops. The spirituality isn't as overt here unless you want it to be. I've seen the tall glass 7-day candles in stores since I moved to Texas. They reminded me of the same kind of candle magic that witches practice; the point is to light a candle dedicated to a particular saint and ask for help in the area that the saint specializes in. Like St. Jude - Saint of the Impossible. St. Lazarus for healing. There's a strong sense of sacredness that permeates the spirituality associated with Catholicism - especially since many Catholic saints were originally pagan deities (like St. Brigid).
There are also other candles that are much more like spells. Roses and Honey for love, Road Opener, Block Breaker (can't wait to get that one!). Revenge, break-up, bring a lover back, keep a spouse faithful. Regular, everyday things. Even one for winning at Bingo.
Candle magic, powders, herbs, incense, oils. Brujeria, but not quite. But neither is it quite purely Catholic.
Another threshold, border, space for co-mingling. Not quite one, not quite the other, a mix of both that works for those who practice it.
So I came to El Paso with a certain idea of my spirituality. A kind of separateness from the spirituality here. Because I'm Pagan and "they" are mostly Catholic. But there isn't that much of a difference. I work with deities, light candles, use incense, herbs, amulets, etc. While it's a little out there in my former home of Evangelical-land, it's more common and understood here. So while I still feel like an outsider (because I still can't understand Spanish), I don't feel as "outside" as I did.
The question remains: when will I get a couple of those 7-day candles? Block Breaker first. :)
Monday, April 2, 2012
Lessons from Working with Deities
I've been working with deities for a little while, and I've made some dumb mistakes and learned some valuable lessons for working with them. I'd like to share a few of the most important.
Before I get into this, though, I feel it necessary to say that I in no way "worship" the deities that work with me. I am profoundly grateful for their help and guidance, patience, etc., but most of the time, the deities that I work with are highly independent, and require the same of me. So relying on them, worshipping them, just doesn't work. Learning from them and putting that learning to use is the highest form of praise and gratitude. That's my view, and the vibe I've received from the goddesses who have worked with me. If, however, you feel inspired to worship deities in any way, do so. And in your own way.
1.) Learn about them. This seems obvious, but it's so important that it bears mentioning. I've heard of people deciding to work with a deity when they know little to nothing about them. Maybe a reputation, or an image they want to keep. Like working with Hades because they like the idea of working with a god of the underworld - makes them look like a dark rogue or something. Except, Hades likely isn't like the one from Disney's Hercules, and might not be the way you think. Or what you learn from Hades might not be what you really need. So learn about the deity first, choose the one that you think you will learn from best, and go on from there.
2.) Ask first. It's the height of rudeness to just decide that you're working with a deity without actually asking the deity first. Maybe the deity doesn't want to work with you, realizes that you aren't a good match, or that you just aren't prepared. Or, maybe they require that consideration. Otherwise, it's like saying "Yeah, Katy Perry's my bestie" when you've never met her. Presumptuous, to say the least. So, relax, meet the deity on their terms, and ask for guidance.
As part of this, be prepared for a refusal. Do the best you can to use your intuition and research, but be open to a No. Again, maybe it's not a good time, not a good match. Whatever the reason, take the refusal graciously and try another. Ask the one who refused you if there's one that would be a better match for you. Whatever you do, don't continue to claim a deity that has refused you. Also presumptuous and kind of crazy.
3.) One at a time! Especially if you're new at this. Not just because it's kind of rude, but because it's hard to work diligently with one deity, let alone a handful, especially if they all have different foci. It's confusing, time consuming, and draining. Choose one, learn from them, and if a time comes when you are ready to move on or need to move on to another for a different focus, you'll know. If, in the future, you feel you can work with two, go for it, but start with one at the beginning.
4.) Don't Brag. I walked around mouthing off about my Patronesses when I first got started. I had, like, 5 that I claimed. I worked with none of them seriously, and when I finally learned lessons 1 and 2 above, I lost all but one of my "Patronesses." I felt like a fool (a grateful fool, but a fool nonetheless). When I asked why they refused me, they all said that I had been too eager to brag about working with them, when I had had little to no interaction, and had blatantly ignored the vow I made to one of them nearly a year prior. Humbling, to say the least. So, needless to say, I'm very careful about how I talk about the deity that is working with me. I hope never bragging or appearing to do so, and always with gratitude.
5.) Be ready for surprises. I wasn't ready for my April Fool's joke early Sunday morning. I asked Rhiannon if she would work with me, and the first impression I got was "No." GAH! My mind went into a tailspin, wondering if my intuition had been wrong, if I had done something wrong. She left me like that for a few moments, then laughed and said she was just kidding. She's got a sense of humor, this one, and it's not the same as Hecate's (of course). I was also surprised when I realized that Hecate wasn't at all the way I had expected her to be. And that's good. Just because you've read that a deity tends to be this way or that way it doesn't mean that they will work the same with you. My view of Hecate likely isn't the same as someone else's, but it's just as valid and just as effective. Be open to however the deity chooses to work with you. And keep your sense of humor.
6.) Trust yourself. As a caveat to nearly everything I've previously written, trust your gut. If you feel you need to have more of a worshipful relationship with your deity, then by all means, do it. Also, your relationship with a deity will be a challenge. That's the point - to challenge you to grow. So, if your deity gives you "homework," even if you think it's beyond you, try it. Do it. Trust yourself, trust the deity. I had a hard time with something that Hecate was working with me on, and I was certain that I couldn't do it. And I gave up for a while, until getting prodded rather roughly to keep going. It's not always going to be an instant transformation, or an automatic epiphany. On the other hand, sometimes the lessons are hidden behind something that you think is stronger than it is: doubt, or fear. Not inability - just the fear of being unable. Punch through it. HA-YA!!
7.) Move on when it's time. This was the hardest one for me, lately. I've been working with Hecate for a while, and I got used to her style, her presence. And the solitude that was part of the process. But, she is a goddess that requires self-reliance, and as that final exam, I had to leave her. I tried a lot of mental acrobatics to legitimize not moving on, but none of them worked. She still said: Move. On your own. And it was hard, but it was necessary, and I'm glad I did it. Just that one more lesson about what I'm capable of. And, again, I'm grateful. So, don't be afraid to move on if you feel it's time.
I hope these help. A lot of them are common sense, but if I can prevent someone from making the same mistakes I made, then it's worth assuming sense isn't always common.
Feel free to comment if there are any lessons you learned that I didn't mention. I'm always up for sharing experiences and lessons.
Before I get into this, though, I feel it necessary to say that I in no way "worship" the deities that work with me. I am profoundly grateful for their help and guidance, patience, etc., but most of the time, the deities that I work with are highly independent, and require the same of me. So relying on them, worshipping them, just doesn't work. Learning from them and putting that learning to use is the highest form of praise and gratitude. That's my view, and the vibe I've received from the goddesses who have worked with me. If, however, you feel inspired to worship deities in any way, do so. And in your own way.
1.) Learn about them. This seems obvious, but it's so important that it bears mentioning. I've heard of people deciding to work with a deity when they know little to nothing about them. Maybe a reputation, or an image they want to keep. Like working with Hades because they like the idea of working with a god of the underworld - makes them look like a dark rogue or something. Except, Hades likely isn't like the one from Disney's Hercules, and might not be the way you think. Or what you learn from Hades might not be what you really need. So learn about the deity first, choose the one that you think you will learn from best, and go on from there.
2.) Ask first. It's the height of rudeness to just decide that you're working with a deity without actually asking the deity first. Maybe the deity doesn't want to work with you, realizes that you aren't a good match, or that you just aren't prepared. Or, maybe they require that consideration. Otherwise, it's like saying "Yeah, Katy Perry's my bestie" when you've never met her. Presumptuous, to say the least. So, relax, meet the deity on their terms, and ask for guidance.
As part of this, be prepared for a refusal. Do the best you can to use your intuition and research, but be open to a No. Again, maybe it's not a good time, not a good match. Whatever the reason, take the refusal graciously and try another. Ask the one who refused you if there's one that would be a better match for you. Whatever you do, don't continue to claim a deity that has refused you. Also presumptuous and kind of crazy.
3.) One at a time! Especially if you're new at this. Not just because it's kind of rude, but because it's hard to work diligently with one deity, let alone a handful, especially if they all have different foci. It's confusing, time consuming, and draining. Choose one, learn from them, and if a time comes when you are ready to move on or need to move on to another for a different focus, you'll know. If, in the future, you feel you can work with two, go for it, but start with one at the beginning.
4.) Don't Brag. I walked around mouthing off about my Patronesses when I first got started. I had, like, 5 that I claimed. I worked with none of them seriously, and when I finally learned lessons 1 and 2 above, I lost all but one of my "Patronesses." I felt like a fool (a grateful fool, but a fool nonetheless). When I asked why they refused me, they all said that I had been too eager to brag about working with them, when I had had little to no interaction, and had blatantly ignored the vow I made to one of them nearly a year prior. Humbling, to say the least. So, needless to say, I'm very careful about how I talk about the deity that is working with me. I hope never bragging or appearing to do so, and always with gratitude.
5.) Be ready for surprises. I wasn't ready for my April Fool's joke early Sunday morning. I asked Rhiannon if she would work with me, and the first impression I got was "No." GAH! My mind went into a tailspin, wondering if my intuition had been wrong, if I had done something wrong. She left me like that for a few moments, then laughed and said she was just kidding. She's got a sense of humor, this one, and it's not the same as Hecate's (of course). I was also surprised when I realized that Hecate wasn't at all the way I had expected her to be. And that's good. Just because you've read that a deity tends to be this way or that way it doesn't mean that they will work the same with you. My view of Hecate likely isn't the same as someone else's, but it's just as valid and just as effective. Be open to however the deity chooses to work with you. And keep your sense of humor.
6.) Trust yourself. As a caveat to nearly everything I've previously written, trust your gut. If you feel you need to have more of a worshipful relationship with your deity, then by all means, do it. Also, your relationship with a deity will be a challenge. That's the point - to challenge you to grow. So, if your deity gives you "homework," even if you think it's beyond you, try it. Do it. Trust yourself, trust the deity. I had a hard time with something that Hecate was working with me on, and I was certain that I couldn't do it. And I gave up for a while, until getting prodded rather roughly to keep going. It's not always going to be an instant transformation, or an automatic epiphany. On the other hand, sometimes the lessons are hidden behind something that you think is stronger than it is: doubt, or fear. Not inability - just the fear of being unable. Punch through it. HA-YA!!
7.) Move on when it's time. This was the hardest one for me, lately. I've been working with Hecate for a while, and I got used to her style, her presence. And the solitude that was part of the process. But, she is a goddess that requires self-reliance, and as that final exam, I had to leave her. I tried a lot of mental acrobatics to legitimize not moving on, but none of them worked. She still said: Move. On your own. And it was hard, but it was necessary, and I'm glad I did it. Just that one more lesson about what I'm capable of. And, again, I'm grateful. So, don't be afraid to move on if you feel it's time.
I hope these help. A lot of them are common sense, but if I can prevent someone from making the same mistakes I made, then it's worth assuming sense isn't always common.
Feel free to comment if there are any lessons you learned that I didn't mention. I'm always up for sharing experiences and lessons.
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